The Impact of One; The Effect on Many

Several occurrences have led to me writing this blog. I do not  even tend to focus it on myself. I want it to be about others. Twice this month, I've felt I've had spiritual and reality awakenings.  Some things just become beyond clear. Does anyone really pay attention to the world around them? Do you notice the simplistic beauty in the world?  Not many people can say they can. Once you push past your selfishness and your interest in only bettering you self worth, you realize, that their is beauty right in front of you.  I also realized that I would be nowhere in my life without that one person that seemed to appear at the perfect time when things would get right. It was never the same person either and not always people I even knew. It was just a person God sent to me as a messenger without the person even realizing their impact. This is where I shall begin.

When someone is asked, "Who is the one person who has had the biggest influence on you in your life?", most people know right away and single out just one individual. For me, it isn't the case. During my life, I've had several. I will not use names but I do plan on splitting them into the times that they seemed to come into my life.

Educational 

Several students tend to favor a certain teacher that taught them for different reasons. I've had five educators who really made all the difference through the years.  The weirdest part is that all but one were literary art teachers. The other was an art instructor. 

• 8th Grade: One of the years when a child gets the choice of where they want to spend the next four years of their life and where grades really start to matter.  I was never really pushed until my eighth grade teacher realized I needed to be. It wasn't even her teaching style that had her stand out. It was just her as a person. I'm not  even sure if she knew the impact she had over me or that I will never forget her. It was in her class that I realized how much I enjoyed sentence structure and making words work in a way that it was almost like a melody. She was the one who allowed me to experiment with poetry by just letting us get creative with some of our assignments. Thank you. 
• High School: The high school I went to offered either art or chorus as your choices for electives that were counted.  You needed two years of either to graduate.  The funny thing was, I ended up taking four years of art.  I never had the intention of doing so until my mother's passing.  It became another way for me to cope besides my writing.  This woman was definitely differently but knew how to teach. I was a quick learner and picked up easily on what she was teaching the class.  I enjoyed the classes and would look forward to them above all of my other classes. As I progressed to senior year, I even spent more time with her. She liked my opinions on things and even had me put in my two cents when she was grading. Of course she only let me help with a class where I didn't know anyone. Also, her decision on the grade was final. She was there when I was depressed with the loss of my home and my mother and still there when she realized all I was going through. I wanted to be like her when I grew up. She loved art and loved her job. She enjoyed helping each new class that came through her classroom. She even helped me to get into the school of my choice with a scholarship. I'm not sure if she either will ever understand her full impact on me but she won't be forgotten either. God bless you.
• College Life: With all the mess going on in my life, college just made things even more complicated. I met my bf and we are still together happily. The instructors were a different story when it came to a good experience. I met a few that I'd like to forget and sadly a few I am not able to forget.  Two professors truly were there in my hardest times and supported me no matter how crazy my ideas were.  Both are published authors and I took them for two of my needed composition courses. One is a guy that a lot of people can't really learn from because he tends to have a different kind of teaching style.  He likes using real world issues  as subjects while also incorporating random conversations with the class. He like to engage his students and push them to see where they can go. I was one who he didn't even realize was inspired. I hadn't written any poetry pieces in a while until I took his class. His aura had awoken something that had been hidden away inside of me.  Once he understood that I was willing to share what I had written, he even shared it with our class. I send him anything that I write because I truly want his opinions and criticism because he is someone I look up to. He even has agreed to help me out like a mentor and we still keep in touch even to this day.  The other is a lady who also has a different outlook on how she wants her students to learn. She sees repetition and having quizzes as a way to help jog the students' memories to keep what they have  learned, fresh. I also shared my willingness to express myself with her. She also helps critique my work and is supportive of me as well. She even encouraged me to submit one of my poetic pieces to the school's literary magazine. These educators did nothing but their job and yet, they made me feel more like a person than just another number in a seat. You both are amazing human beings.
• Post College: Now, having graduated and working on another degree, I have been more in contact with my past educators and friends. I have had one of my former high school teachers actually give me the best advice that is now helping me to cope even better with the struggles I've been facing lately. Her one suggestion has blown up to a whole new outlook that I have of life for myself. She already knows who she is I'm sure but she needs to know that I am eternally grateful for her. I will never forget her help and I will always credit her with showing me how my words  can be used to help someone else without even realizing it. 

Spiritual 

I am not that spiritual of a person but I do attend mass with my father every Sunday. I see things and feel deeply for others around me. I just do not have a good connection with my own spirituality. I do know one person who truly does. That is my uncle. He has had his fair share of tragedies happen and lost a lot of people in his life time. He stays strong through it all though.  He is a strong Catholic man who is a Eucharistic minister, active member of the Knights of Columbus, involved in several prayer groups and many religious associations. He lives his live just like the rest of us but is spiritually stronger than I think I may ever be. He is an amazing man who has been a huge inspiration to me. I want to be more like him. I am sure a lot of people do. The weird thing is, he is being nothing but himself. That's the beauty that the involvement of God in your life can have.

Family 

There are several people in my family who are strong beyond strong and sometimes people see me as a strong individual but tend to miss what else is right in front of them.

• My Grandmother: She has been through the loss of a child, the near death of another, the loss of her husband and has dealt with her fair share of health problems. Before she lost her husband, she never let anyone see her cry. She would hold it back and cry to me on the phone sometimes. After my mom died, her and I grew really close. I feel for her and see her struggle with losing my grandfather. They used to have their fights but they truly did love each other. Seeing her cry, holding his hand after he passed and then kissing him before the funeral home took him away just touched my whole family. Love is way more than just how a couple acts. It goes much deeper than that. It is unconditional and just pure feeling of needing the other person. My grandmother is the strongest woman I know and I hope to be like her by the time my life gets to where hers is right now. Love you maw maw.
• My Father: I know he hasn't been the same since losing our home to Katrina, losing my mom right after, then the fire that took all that we had left, away. He has only cried three times in front of either my sister or I. He wants to be strong for us but I know he is hurting. He has to be because I know I am.  I watch him suffer each day after working sometimes 10-12 hour days to just make it from day to day. He is the hardest working man that I've ever known. He tries his hardest but just can't catch a break. I feel him and I have a lot in common and I understand his pain but then I don't. He lost his life partner and was left with two teenage girls to raise. That is hard to do without a female character for us to look up to. He has done more than enough for us and I hope he knows that. One day, I hope to be able to take care of him so he can stop worrying so much all the time. Thank you for everything, dad.
• My Mother: Her and I had grown extremely close right before her death. I know I wasn't the best daughter and I regret things that I had done to her that were uncalled for.  I can't change anything now, though. She put everyone before herself and that ultimately led to her death. She didn't care about herself like she could have and I know she fought depression. She was never the same after we lost our house to Katrina. She kept to herself, wouldn't leave the trailer much besides to go get my sister, and only wanted the best for her family just like my father did. No family is perfect and we all had our problems but my mom just lived to make everyone around her happy. I knew the week of her death that something was wrong. I said nothing because I feel she knew to because she was acting different all week. She died young but she affected a lot of people in her life time and left an impression that was nothing but positive. She never wanted to be negative and loved making other people laugh. I looked up to her and I still do. If I grow up to be half the woman she was and as half as loving as my grandmother always has been, I will be one amazing lady. I was raised by parents who only pushed me because they knew I was able. I thank them for that now. Love you, mom, and you will never be forgotten.

With all this being said, today in Mass, I had another awakening of kinds. As the deacon was reading the gospel, I kind of zoned out as I was listening. I was looking around the church at the congregation. One thing stood out a lot to me. There was a single father and his young daughter both reading along in their books. Just watching the little girl want to be there with her father, engaging in the celebration, just was an amazing sight. I sat there thinking, why didn't I see this before. He always brings the little girl and sits in the same spot. I'm not sure, but, I realized that as soon as I let go of thinking of myself or of my self worth, I can see everything and everyone around me. All I see is the beauty of my surroundings. It can be the cloudiest of days and everything looks bright to me. You honestly do not see much unless you are really looking. As the priest starts his homily, I keep looking around the room. All of the couples, the families, the elderly couples, etc. It is just a full out picturesque environment. There truly is nothing like seeing something for the first time and it being so clear......nothing seems too cloudy to me anymore. I am slowly having questions answered and prayers answered but it is coming to me in the form of another person. God always answers prayers but are we always willing to listen? No. Once we open up ourselves to accepting what He has for us, we will truly be happy. Without Him nothing is beautiful. It's just there.