With graduation approaching, I wasn't excited like most students would be. I had only applied to one college, one scholarship, and actually got accepted. I had changed my mind several times on what I thought I should do with my life. What I hadn't realized was that this new chapter at a new school would only be the beginning of an even longer, harder journey for me. I didn't have my mother present at my graduation, I still was single with no guy taking an interest in me, and very few friends to even talk to once we went our separate ways.
I thought that everything was ready to go with my new college and my new life experiences awaiting. I was wrong in that sense as well. Each student needs proof of vaccinations before they are allowed to attend any school. With Katrina and all the occurrences around it, the Ochsner Medical center had lost any files available before August 2005, meaning, I needed blood work done to show if i had the needed vaccinations or not. Come to find out, I was missing a few but that wasn't the only bad news. They had found a problem with my blood and ordered more tests to be done. This one minor fluctuation led to me making a drastic change by my own decision.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Moving Campus
While dealing with the change of losing my home and a parent, I received news along with everyone else in my school that it was closing down and we were moving to a rival school's campus. None of us were happy but we are all given the choice of transferring without any extra charges or staying with the same school but just transferring to the other school's location. I already didn't fit in and now I was totally uprooting the little I knew of as a norm. It was farther from my home and it was full of girls I didn't even know. I was uncomfortable but made do. The teachers were great and helped us all adjust pretty well.
So, for someone going through what I have, this added more worry to my plate. I had several issues with the way I viewed my body and being around even more teenage girls didn't help much. It's not that they teased me or did anything wrong. I was just that self conscious. I never had a thought about changing my eating habits it exercising besides gym class. I sat alone at lunch or ate with a teacher. That was what I did and I was content but lonely. I didn't have my mom to pick me up or to talk to after a hard day. It was just me, myself and I. I had tried talking to family but they just completely blew me off. I even had one family member blab to another about something I told them in confidence. That's life, I guess.
Well, once sophomore year ended, it was time for junior ring. I had to be fitted for my junior ring....an embarrassing thought for my heavy self. All the other girls we're getting from 4s to 6s and mine came out to be a 9. It was hard to hear but it was my weight causing the sizing. I then overheard someone in my class making jokes about girls with size 9 or larger rings...saying they should lay off the cookies..it hurt. I was living a life I dreaded and right after my mom passed away, I used my artwork and writing as a way to express my feelings. I had nowhere else to turn so I used my time to better myself. It proved to me that I had true talent and it was a God given talent. I just had to work on myself, and that will be a continuous work in progress.
Three Strikes But Am I Out?
So I get through my freshman year of high school and move on to being a sophomore. About a year after moving into the travel trailer, it almost catches fire, forcing my dad to work on cleaning out the destroyed house. By himself, he climbs the rafters and gets rid of every trace of mold that had formed. I assist him in gutting it out. it actually was fun in a sense.
Not long after this, I could tell my mother's condition had worsened even more. She struggled to get in and out of the trailer and would sleep a lot more than she should.
One day after i got home from school, she was about to leave to pick up my sister from school. She was out of breath by the time she got to the truck. She broke down in tears. She knew something was wrong. I sensed it to. Once we were back home, she fell asleep in the truck. My dad was just getting home when he found her asleep in the truck still. He comes in and asks how long has she been out there. She wakes up once she realizes he's home. She makes her way back to the trailer but falls. Her knees had given out on her and she was stuck between the trailer and the back yard fence. She was fairly heavy and couldn't get herself up. I went and told my dad and he came running. His insensitivity towards her ended up in him cursing her out because she didn't want any help. He went back to decorating the house and left her there until 7 at night. I stayed outside on the steps with her.
At about 7 pm, she was able to get herself up on to the first stair to the trailer. She was quiet then uttered the words, "God help me." Right afterwards, her breathing got harder and heavier. the last thing she said to me was, "Call...9..1...1" and I ran inside. she had passed out on the steps and was unconscious. By the time the paramedics got there, it was too late. Our next door neighbor heard the call on his radio and came running over. He pulled the fence back and they got her out. They led my sister and I to believe that she was fine.
We stayed by a different neighbor's home and they had bought us some fast food while we waited to hear anything. We were under the impression she was fine. It ended up being our aunt and uncle who picked us up. Our dad had stayed at the hospital. We get in the ER and I see our pastor walking away from a room..I knew she was gone.
She was in a room with my grandmother holding her hand and my other aunt crying. My mom was cold as ice, and in the report, they showed she had passed away at 7:15 pm. I was with her when she had died. Ever since that night, I blame myself. I'm told I shouldn't but I do. i saw the signs and did nothing. Her sleepiness, her increased depression and her lips had turned purple a few days before the incident. I was just being a child and doing all I knew how to do: be a daughter and carry out her wishes. I had several suicidal thoughts right after her passing but never went through any of it because i felt I needed to be there for my family. My mom and i had grown very close the week before she died. I had lost my second best friend. I was alone and vulnerable. I wasn't sure what I was going to do next.
Not long after this, I could tell my mother's condition had worsened even more. She struggled to get in and out of the trailer and would sleep a lot more than she should.
One day after i got home from school, she was about to leave to pick up my sister from school. She was out of breath by the time she got to the truck. She broke down in tears. She knew something was wrong. I sensed it to. Once we were back home, she fell asleep in the truck. My dad was just getting home when he found her asleep in the truck still. He comes in and asks how long has she been out there. She wakes up once she realizes he's home. She makes her way back to the trailer but falls. Her knees had given out on her and she was stuck between the trailer and the back yard fence. She was fairly heavy and couldn't get herself up. I went and told my dad and he came running. His insensitivity towards her ended up in him cursing her out because she didn't want any help. He went back to decorating the house and left her there until 7 at night. I stayed outside on the steps with her.
At about 7 pm, she was able to get herself up on to the first stair to the trailer. She was quiet then uttered the words, "God help me." Right afterwards, her breathing got harder and heavier. the last thing she said to me was, "Call...9..1...1" and I ran inside. she had passed out on the steps and was unconscious. By the time the paramedics got there, it was too late. Our next door neighbor heard the call on his radio and came running over. He pulled the fence back and they got her out. They led my sister and I to believe that she was fine.
We stayed by a different neighbor's home and they had bought us some fast food while we waited to hear anything. We were under the impression she was fine. It ended up being our aunt and uncle who picked us up. Our dad had stayed at the hospital. We get in the ER and I see our pastor walking away from a room..I knew she was gone.
She was in a room with my grandmother holding her hand and my other aunt crying. My mom was cold as ice, and in the report, they showed she had passed away at 7:15 pm. I was with her when she had died. Ever since that night, I blame myself. I'm told I shouldn't but I do. i saw the signs and did nothing. Her sleepiness, her increased depression and her lips had turned purple a few days before the incident. I was just being a child and doing all I knew how to do: be a daughter and carry out her wishes. I had several suicidal thoughts right after her passing but never went through any of it because i felt I needed to be there for my family. My mom and i had grown very close the week before she died. I had lost my second best friend. I was alone and vulnerable. I wasn't sure what I was going to do next.
High School: Not The Best Years Of My Life
Freshman Year:
Living in a small town in Louisiana, there were only a few options for high schools. It just so happened that we lived right across from one. I was even more excited when I was accepted. It meant that it was easy to walk to school and not a hassle if I was running late.
Freshman year was full of new people and new things. Especially a hurricane called Katrina. Did I expect to have to consider a new school after just getting enrolled? No, but it was an option.
We weren't even going to leave until we woke up at 5 am to see Katrina had become a category 5 hurricane and was heading straight for New Orleans. We left at 2 in the afternoon the next day right as the cops were saying it was our last chance to get out.
Once we escaped the endless hours of traffic, we got to our hotel room at 5:30 the next morning. We woke up to seeing breached levees and houses totally uprooted from their foundations. They weren't showing where we lived though so we assumed all was fine. For most people it was, but not for us.
We didn't receive the water damage from flooding like we had seen on CNN or other networks. WE had wind damage that ruined our roof, causing water damage. This was a second turning point because as soon as my mother saw the state of how our house was, she slowly eased into a deep depression.
So, FEMA and Road Home denied us any help while our insurance company paid off the house note, leaving a destroyed house. We used the check they issued us to replace belongings as a means to purchase a travel trailer. My high school asked if anyone was displaced or had severe damage from the hurricane. When I raised my hand, everyone looked at me with questions...my house was still standing not even 500 yards from the school. They saw the trailer and were all like, are you serious? I didn't have many friends before this happened and I had even less now because I was seen as "trailer trash". My depression grew but i lived on. I was a loner once again and waiting for something to get better. What I didn't realize was that things were about to get worse unexpectedly.
Living in a small town in Louisiana, there were only a few options for high schools. It just so happened that we lived right across from one. I was even more excited when I was accepted. It meant that it was easy to walk to school and not a hassle if I was running late.
Freshman year was full of new people and new things. Especially a hurricane called Katrina. Did I expect to have to consider a new school after just getting enrolled? No, but it was an option.
We weren't even going to leave until we woke up at 5 am to see Katrina had become a category 5 hurricane and was heading straight for New Orleans. We left at 2 in the afternoon the next day right as the cops were saying it was our last chance to get out.
Once we escaped the endless hours of traffic, we got to our hotel room at 5:30 the next morning. We woke up to seeing breached levees and houses totally uprooted from their foundations. They weren't showing where we lived though so we assumed all was fine. For most people it was, but not for us.
We didn't receive the water damage from flooding like we had seen on CNN or other networks. WE had wind damage that ruined our roof, causing water damage. This was a second turning point because as soon as my mother saw the state of how our house was, she slowly eased into a deep depression.
So, FEMA and Road Home denied us any help while our insurance company paid off the house note, leaving a destroyed house. We used the check they issued us to replace belongings as a means to purchase a travel trailer. My high school asked if anyone was displaced or had severe damage from the hurricane. When I raised my hand, everyone looked at me with questions...my house was still standing not even 500 yards from the school. They saw the trailer and were all like, are you serious? I didn't have many friends before this happened and I had even less now because I was seen as "trailer trash". My depression grew but i lived on. I was a loner once again and waiting for something to get better. What I didn't realize was that things were about to get worse unexpectedly.
Landslide Beginnings
For most of my childhood, I was a nerdy kid. I played video games, did well in school and had pride in what i did. Growing up was tough because my parents gave my sister their full attention. She had a behavioral problem and they had to help keep her focused on school. For a lot of things, I had to help her. It wasn't a big deal until her and I started getting into fights. Of course, being older, I always got the blame. That was that and my parents really never stopped us from bickering. They just let us have at each other.
As we grew up, we grew really close to our closer family members like grandparents, etc. For some reason, my grandmother on my dad's side was just my favorite person to talk to. She truly was my first ever best friend. I was not a sociable child and truly didn't have any school friends. I just had my family there for me.
Well, one day my sister and I were weirdly picked up from school by our father. He worked 10-12 hour days and our mom would be the one to bring us home. He was dressed nice as well and claimed that he got off early...and that we were going out to eat. Neither of those things were true. I knew that my grandmother had a surgery scheduled for that morning and didn't think much more of it. He didn't take us home though....something was wrong.
we arrive at my grandparents' house and I am guessing my grandmother was in her room resting from the surgery. She wasn't there. I start running up and down the halls calling for her in a frantic scream. I could hear my aunt in the kitchen say, "Kenneth, you didn't tell them?!?!" I stopped and started crying. She hadn't made it off of the operating table. The doctors made one incision and her heart stopped beating. My mom and aunt told my dad to tell at least me on the way to the house that she didn't make it. He didn't though. My sister was only 5 and oblivious to the whole situation but I knew better. They calmed her down with a happy meal. Yeah, a happy meal. They had one for me and I was like, "I don't want that! I'm not happy!!"
I had lost the first person I knew of to be a true friend to me. I felt alone at 9 with no one to talk to.
That was the first of many devastating things in a list of things to happen that has altered my perception of the world.
As we grew up, we grew really close to our closer family members like grandparents, etc. For some reason, my grandmother on my dad's side was just my favorite person to talk to. She truly was my first ever best friend. I was not a sociable child and truly didn't have any school friends. I just had my family there for me.
Well, one day my sister and I were weirdly picked up from school by our father. He worked 10-12 hour days and our mom would be the one to bring us home. He was dressed nice as well and claimed that he got off early...and that we were going out to eat. Neither of those things were true. I knew that my grandmother had a surgery scheduled for that morning and didn't think much more of it. He didn't take us home though....something was wrong.
we arrive at my grandparents' house and I am guessing my grandmother was in her room resting from the surgery. She wasn't there. I start running up and down the halls calling for her in a frantic scream. I could hear my aunt in the kitchen say, "Kenneth, you didn't tell them?!?!" I stopped and started crying. She hadn't made it off of the operating table. The doctors made one incision and her heart stopped beating. My mom and aunt told my dad to tell at least me on the way to the house that she didn't make it. He didn't though. My sister was only 5 and oblivious to the whole situation but I knew better. They calmed her down with a happy meal. Yeah, a happy meal. They had one for me and I was like, "I don't want that! I'm not happy!!"
I had lost the first person I knew of to be a true friend to me. I felt alone at 9 with no one to talk to.
That was the first of many devastating things in a list of things to happen that has altered my perception of the world.
Who I Am
Most people have never even heard of me or even know who I am. I'm fine with that though. My name is Kristen LeBlanc and there isn't just one thing that can define me. My family knows me as the glue that keeps us together, my coworkers know me as the "special" nerd of the bunch, and my friends see me in several different lights.
Within the last 5 years, i have totally turned my life around and bettered myself through eating well and getting more active. I'm a notorious gym rat among fellow Planet Fitness gym members but not even a handful of them know my story. The few who do, only know the "weight loss" journey..or so they call it that. Once I get to know them, then I let my background come through and they just give me that face. Well, I wish it all was a lie but i wouldn't be who i am without going through all I have.
This is my first time writing a blog and this is my introduction to the world. I hope that my future posts are read and not judged but used to help others who may need that ear to listen or a virtual hug to get them through the day. Either way, i want to make a difference and I hope to do just that.
Within the last 5 years, i have totally turned my life around and bettered myself through eating well and getting more active. I'm a notorious gym rat among fellow Planet Fitness gym members but not even a handful of them know my story. The few who do, only know the "weight loss" journey..or so they call it that. Once I get to know them, then I let my background come through and they just give me that face. Well, I wish it all was a lie but i wouldn't be who i am without going through all I have.
This is my first time writing a blog and this is my introduction to the world. I hope that my future posts are read and not judged but used to help others who may need that ear to listen or a virtual hug to get them through the day. Either way, i want to make a difference and I hope to do just that.
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