My Daily Struggle

When people see me at the gym, they probably think I'm crazy.  They do not know the meaning behind to why I work out as intensely as I do. Here is to why: 

Now, for most people, they are going to ask how or what did you do, etc....but for me, it is what the affects of losing that much too quickly while doing mostly cardio has done.  

I've been working hard to try and reduce the amount of loose skin I have left on my body with weight lifting and more strength training than cardio.  My measurements haven't changed but I'm pretty sure my composition as a whole has.  People constantly are complimenting me and asking me how much weight I have lost. When I say none since joining the Planet Fitness where I go, they look surprised.  I've lost fat content and gained muscle mass. I've actually gained a little weight. I try to not focus on the scale or measuring because of my mathematical/number type mind.  I'd rather look to pictures to see any progress or how my clothes tend to fit.  The support people give me also helps.  I do know there is fat under the loose skin and it is the hardest type to lose.  I eat the best I can, anything not that healthy in moderation, and drink mostly water.  I workout 6 days a week for at least an hour to two hours at a time.  If I could afford to eat purely clean, I may be tighter or less flabby by now, but, I am working hard to get my body where I want it to be.  My measurements have gone up, in my opinion, from the readjustment that my body is making as the loose skin is being lifted.  I was over 300 pounds from age 13-19..or 6 or so years.  That is a long time for skin to be stretched out of line. I was a heavy child and never was "small". My whole life, all I was to anyone, including myself, was "big". I honestly still feel that way when the thought of what the scale says comes to mind....it shows that I'm obese and could lose 60 plus pounds to be "normal" weight for my age and size. I'm 5'4" or 5'5" and am now 24. From these photos, does it appear that I'm truly even capable of losing even half of that? To me, no.  That is where the scale doesn't understand the total concept of composition or that muscle takes up less space than fat.  I know I need to lose some fat in my mid section and thighs, but that is where I carried most of my weight when I was heavier.  It will be the last and hardest to lose.  People can go ahead and shame me for doing this but my struggle is real. It is my life and it is hard.